What we talked about
Beth Flory is the CEO of Safe House in Henderson, Nevada, a comprehensive domestic violence agency supporting survivors and their children. Beth explains how Safe House provides a 62-bed emergency shelter in a confidential location, a 24/7 crisis hotline, victim advocacy through the legal process, licensed counseling, and community outreach.Always free of charge.
Show notes
Beth Flory became CEO of Safe House not through a planned career track but by relentlessly volunteering for whatever needed doing, HR, bookkeeping, volunteer coordination, COVID protocols, until the founder told her she had skills the organization wasn’t using. Her route to the top was via midnight shifts chatting with survivors who woke from nightmares, and five years working one-on-one with the children in the shelter.
What we covered
- Safe House in Henderson, Nevada operates a 62-bed emergency shelter at a confidential location that cannot be found on Google Maps, a 24-hour crisis hotline, victim advocacy through the court system, licensed counseling, and community outreach, all free of charge to survivors and their children.
- Nevada consistently ranks in the top five states for domestic violence-related homicides, and a significant share of women experiencing homelessness are there because of violence in the home. Safe House also helps pay security deposits and first month’s rent when survivors transition out of shelter.
- Research shows that 99% of domestic violence victims experience financial abuse. Beth describes the range: an abuser who tells a partner not to work, then controls all income; an abuser who takes a partner’s paycheck and gives a tiny allowance; and an abuser who opens credit cards in a partner’s name and charges them up, leaving the victim with debt they didn’t create.
- Beth’s own motivation traces to 2002, when a man followed her into her apartment building and attempted to assault her. When she called the police two weeks later after seeing him again, nobody came. She moved to Las Vegas and applied for the entry-level position at Safe House after seeing a job listing in the Las Vegas Review Journal newspaper.
- A former client who came into the shelter furious, yelling at staff, yelling at other clients, was connected with a counselor who taught her to channel that anger into writing. She discovered she was a poet, began performing publicly, and is now what Beth describes as “the calmest, most zen person you would ever meet.” Another former client who arrived speaking only Spanish, with no citizenship, later got a real estate license, then an insurance license, now owns her own insurance branch and serves as vice president of Safe House’s board of directors.
- Beth’s advice for anyone who wants to support someone in crisis is one sentence: “I’m here when you need me.” She explains that victims are often isolated from family and friends by their abuser, and that simple phrase plants something in their mind that can trigger a call at the moment they’re finally ready to leave.
About Beth
Beth Flory is the CEO of Safe House in Henderson, Nevada, a comprehensive domestic violence agency she joined in 2008 as an entry-level residential advocate. She rose through direct services, children’s programs, and operations before being succession-planned into the CEO role by Safe House founder Julie Proctor.
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beth-flory-mhrm-shrm-cp
- Website: http://www.safehousenv.org
Episode 92 of the PreVetted Podcast.
Full transcript
Federico Ramallo (00:00) Welcome back to the Prevetted Podcast, where we spotlight extraordinary people and remarkable talent reshaping our world. Today we’re joined by Beth Flory. She’s the CEO of Safe House in Henderson, Nevada. Beth has spent more than 20 years helping people through some of life’s hardest moments, from supporting survivors of domestic violence to working with individuals recovering from traumatic brain injuries.
to building meaningful connections with autistic children. Those experiences shape her leadership style, empathy, emotional, intelligence, patience, and a commitment to treating people with dignity. She rose through the ranks at Safehouse, spending over a decade as director of operations before stepping into the CEO role. Beth, welcome to the show.
Beth Flory (00:50) Thank you for inviting me. I’m happy to be here.
Federico Ramallo (00:53) Awesome, awesome. And we were talking before we started recording about how much you like camping and going off-road. And I was showing you this beautiful lake that we have behind us and that we are basically in the middle of nowhere-ish. So it’s a beautiful place, beautiful day, and I’m sure we’re going to have a great conversation.
Beth Flory (01:13) Yes, I’m very jealous. I’m seeing that background and I wish I was there with you guys enjoying nature and that beautiful lake and those amazing horses in the background that we can see wandering. It’s very
Federico Ramallo (01:25) Yes, I mean, there is a mom and a baby horse and we kind of like them to watch but we stay away because, you know, the mom can get jealous. yeah, yeah, But, but yes, yes. I noticed that my dog is faster than the, you know, the cow’s kick. I don’t know the horses, but you know, I don’t want to try it.
Beth Flory (01:35) I’m sure they could kick.
Federico Ramallo (01:47) Yeah, but he goes and barks as if he’s like, you know, big, big dog and, you know, he’s a little schnauzer. So, yeah.
Beth Flory (01:54) Yeah, it’s funny
in Nevada, we have a town called Oatman and it’s like this old timey mining town and the actor Clark Gable used to go there and play cards with the miners and you can go visit but they have burrows there that are all wild burrows like wandering around in the streets and stuff and they tell you if you take your dog there that you cannot have them anywhere near those burrows because they will kick the dog because
in their mind they think it’s a coyote. And so they’re basically trained to kick the coyotes and so they think it’s a dog and I guess there’s been some dogs that are hurt because I also have a beautiful dog. So they can kick very fast. I’m sure that horse is probably the same as that burro.
Federico Ramallo (02:25) Alright.
Ha ha ha.
Yeah, yeah, mean, my dog goes and barks at them, so we try to keep him with us. Yeah. And you’re more than welcome to come join us anytime. Come to Mexico and we can take you to these beautiful places.
Beth Flory (02:39) Thank
Yes, as I know we talked before, do, I love Mexico in addition to camping and you know being from Vegas it’s a pretty easy flight for us to take so I definitely will take you up on that hover.
Federico Ramallo (03:10) Yes, yes, actually
have two tents so you know we can set up two tents and everything so yeah, you’re more than welcome to come. So, you know, going back to Safe House, can you tell us what is Safe House for people that don’t know about it?
Beth Flory (03:27) Yeah, Safe House is a comprehensive domestic violence agency. So we give a number of services to individuals who are experiencing domestic violence as well as their children. The one that most people know us by is our shelter. So we have a 62-bed emergency shelter that’s in a secret location. So that way if their abusive partner is stalking them or trying to find them, they’re able to go to that location and you can’t search it on Google Maps or anything like that.
And part of the emergency services is also a 24-hour crisis hotline. So somebody can call our hotline anytime, day or night. We answer the phone and we’ll help them out with whatever they may need. A lot of victims aren’t really sure, you know, if they’re ready to leave their partner or not, and they need some encouragement and also some safety planning. And so our hotline staff are able to do that. And then we also provide victim advocacy. So…
Our victim advocates may go to court with clients, may help explain the legal system to them, help them complete paperwork for a temporary protective order, child custody hearings. Basically, there are support system through the legal system and they help individuals who are in our shelter as well as in the community. And then we also have counselors to provide therapy, licensed counselors, so they provide therapy. And then we have an outreach and education.
person, she goes out in the community, engages the community, know, tabling events, will provide speeches, education, classes, stuff like that. And all of those services are free of charge to victims and their children.
Federico Ramallo (05:02) Amazing, I think that’s an important activity in the community, right? Because basically you’re saving people’s lives.
Beth Flory (05:08) Yeah.
Yes, and it’s a couple of things, right? So we’re saving people’s lives, literally. know, Nevada consistently ranks in the top five for domestic violence related homicides. And so, you know, we’re trying to get the person out of that situation before that would occur. So definitely saving lives, as you said. And then, you know, the other thing is a lot of women in particular who are home experiencing homelessness is because of
violence in the home. And so we actually are helping to prevent homelessness as well by providing the shelter. And then we even have a housing manager. A lot of times we can pay for a security deposit or first month’s rent when they move out of the shelter, just to help make that transition a lot easier and remove a lot of barriers for the victim.
Federico Ramallo (05:55) There’s a cycle, right? A violent cycle that perpetuates between the relationship and I understand that also generation-wise,
Beth Flory (06:10) Yeah, so within the relationship itself you have a cycle of violence and this is where, you know, somebody, you know, acts out towards you physically, may hurt you in some way, verbally hurt you, and then they will go into a phase where it’s like, I’m so sorry, you know, I shouldn’t have done this, that’s our honeymoon phase, right? Buying you flowers, buying you gifts, saying it’s never gonna happen again. Well then we go into the tension building phase, which is where the
person starts to get agitated, that tension is building, and then they lash out again. And that cycle just perpetuates. And unfortunately for a victim, that can be very confusing, right? Cause it’s like, you know, this person, you love this person, they promise they’re going to do better. And then they do show better behavior, but then it usually goes right back into that cycle again. And then as you said, you do have a generational cycle. know, children who are in domestic violence households often go in one of two directions.
One, they may become the victim. You know, it’s hard for, when you grow up in a violent household, it’s hard to see red flags. So it’s hard to see in a future partner that this person, you know, may be abusive because it’s normal for you. You’re used to seeing those kinds of behaviors. So it’s hard to tell that you’re getting into an abusive situation. So they may become the victim, but then on the flip side, they could also become the perpetrator.
So they’ve witnessed all this violence in the home and they think it’s okay, you know, and so they end up abusing others. And then that just continues generationally down the line. So that is part of our goal. You know, our name is an acronym, Stop Abuse in the Family Environment. You know, we are trying to interject ourselves so that we can stop that cycle generationally as well. So I’m glad you brought that up.
Federico Ramallo (07:57) Right, right, I mean it’s confusing and also the woman also has hope that the relationship is going to continue. I mean that this is a one-off and things are going to get better, right?
Beth Flory (08:11) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And the women face so many barriers too and why it’s so important that services like ours are free is one research study said the victims of domestic violence usually have 99 % chance of financial abuse. So this is where, you know, the abuser, you hear the classic phrase like, you don’t have to work, I’m going to take care of you. Well, when you don’t have an income, that becomes a really strong area of control.
in the relationship, right? Like it’s hard to leave when you don’t make any money. You haven’t worked for a couple years, so your resume doesn’t look very good to employers. So you get stuck in it. Or we’ve also had where the abuser actually takes the victim’s money and, you know, from the paycheck and then gives them a tiny allowance in return.
And then another way we’ve seen it is where the abuser actually will open credit cards with the person’s name in it and then charge it up. And now the person is just in so much debt coming into the relationship or they didn’t pay bills they promised they would pay, or a car payment. So now our victims have huge amounts of debt, not very much income. So it’s important that these services are free so that they can heal and we can help them move on.
and stabilize financially.
Federico Ramallo (09:27) Right, right. It’s not only taking the, you know, having no income, taking the income, but also what you’re talking about is exploiting women on the credit.
Beth Flory (09:39) Mm-hmm. Yeah, we see the credit exploitation quite a bit. Yeah, especially with vehicles and credit cards.
Federico Ramallo (09:44) Right.
Right. Right. And the way that the system is assigned is if you are, you know, if you are owner, if you’re on the name of the card, then it doesn’t matter who spend it. Right. It’s, it’s your credit. It’s your line of credit. Yeah. Yeah. Which can.
Beth Flory (09:57) Yep. Yeah, and if you’re married
in Nevada, it’s, you know, it’s considered kind of a, a, I forget the term, like common law state. So basically, like if you’re married, you pretty much are 50-50 in how you split things and that can include debt. So, yeah. And most…
Federico Ramallo (10:13) So.
So property and
debt goes hand in hand in marriage in Nevada.
Beth Flory (10:23) Yeah. And a lot of times the abusive partners are the ones who can actually afford a decent lawyer, whereas the victims can’t because they’ve been experiencing financial abuse. so a lot of times we see our clients, you know, really end up on the short end of the stick because the abuser has good lawyers and we’ve seen them, you know, have custody agreements. They keep taking the client back to court over and over and over again. And it basically wears the victim down because they can’t afford to have these lawyers to protect them.
self as the bees are done.
Federico Ramallo (10:51) Right.
So that’s why you also help the victims on the victim advocacy, right? Helping them with ⁓ legal resources.
Beth Flory (11:01) Yeah.
Yeah, it’s in our advocates aren’t lawyers, so they can’t, you know, step in that way. But they’re able to help the client articulate themselves, you know, work through like, this is what happened when filling out a temporary protective order. So it’s clear to a judge. And then also they can help refer them to some of our other programs that do give legal support, such as Legal Aid of Southern Nevada is a great agency. And, you know,
They make sure the victim qualifies, then will assist with court in that way. So we do have some other community partners that offer amazing legal resources.
Federico Ramallo (11:41) Right, right. That’s amazing. I mean, I think that’s an important work, right?
Beth Flory (11:47) And it’s really cool because one of our advocates, when I started working at Safe House back in 2008, went and got her law degree and actually works at Legal Aid now. Yeah. So I see her quite a bit, like just in different activities. And it’s pretty cool because it’s like, hey, that was our employee. But it’s awesome because she really knows both sides. know, she knows the personal sides of what our victims go through. And so she’s an amazing person to be over at Legal Aid.
Federico Ramallo (11:59) nice!
Beth Flory (12:17) So it all comes around, especially in Vegas. People think it’s a big town and it’s really not. It’s kind of a small town.
Federico Ramallo (12:24) It’s a small town with a lot of people.
Beth Flory (12:26) Yes, small town with a lot of people.
But I see everyone I know. And for those who are listening and don’t know, Henderson is a suburb of Las Vegas. If you drive across the valley, you can’t tell the difference of what town you’re in. So we always say we’re in the Vegas Valley.
Federico Ramallo (12:41) Yeah, I it’s kind of, yeah, I understand what you’re talking about. It’s kind of the same city-ish, but different, you know, legal divisions, basically. Yeah. But yeah, where I grew up, I grew up in Buenos Aires. And I called Buenos Aires, but I was born in Buenos Aires, but then I moved to the outside of Buenos Aires, Gran Buenos Aires, it’s called, which basically is, you know, kind of like…
Beth Flory (13:03) Mm-hmm.
Federico Ramallo (13:04) Vegas or Phoenix, know, you go to the cities or LA, you know, that you go through many, many towns, you know, while driving. So, but we all feel like we belong to the same city, you know, ⁓ except when you pay taxes, you pay, you know, one area or another area, right? But it’s, yeah, so I have friends that were two towns ahead, but it was the…
Beth Flory (13:18) Yeah.
Federico Ramallo (13:28) In that area, the train line were the ones that would dictate the towns, basically. So we had one train station per town. And then the towns grew up until they touch each other. So one street was one town, the other street was the other town, right? And had friends that was two towns ahead or two towns behind. And then we would meet each other, you know.
When we were young, we would use the train more. And then when we grew up, we were able to four carts and we would meet to other places. yeah, was, but it was a whole unit of people living together. Yeah.
So what made you want to work on this, in this field?
Beth Flory (14:16) So there’s a couple reasons I would say that I work in this field. Number one is, I know you read my biography there at the beginning and it’s always fun to hear my own biography. It’s like my humbleness is like, but part of just being in the social services field in general comes from being in alignment with my own integrity. So I’m not a person who can work.
in a field that is not in alignment with my morals and my values. And so I have to work with people that brings good to our world rather than bad, I would say, right? So I live in Las Vegas. My background is actually doing human resources related stuff. My degree is in that. I could maybe go work for a casino and make a ton of money doing human resources. But
While casinos bring amazing fun to people, you know, I don’t think I could work in that environment because of the gambling and some people who have gambling addiction. And so, and no offense to them, love the casinos and where I live. Visit them on occasion myself. But I like to be able to help other people and have been that way since I was young. My sister has Down syndrome, had to live in a home because she required 24 hour care. And so
From a young age, I was always around understanding that people need help from other people sometimes to live. Now, why I specifically work at Safe House is because, and this may be a trigger warning for some people, but I had an individual who followed me into my apartment building many years ago. This was back in 2002, I believe, and he attempted to assault me. Now, I was very lucky and…
Federico Ramallo (15:50) Wow.
Beth Flory (15:51) kind of outsmarted them and was able to get out of the situation before anything serious happened, before I ended up with some bumps and bruises. And then, you know, called the police, the police came and unfortunately about two weeks later, I saw this man again walking down the street and called the police and just to say it directly, they didn’t do anything. They basically were like, you need to call the detective. I called the detective, they didn’t answer. I called back 911.
and they never sent anybody to get this person. And that really frustrated me and made me unfortunately lose a lot of trust and respect for law enforcement because they wouldn’t come and help me. So when I moved to Las Vegas, I had a very strong desire to get into the field of violence against women and how to prevent violence against women and serve people who have experienced violence.
Now in that case, we’re looking more at a sexual assault. My agency is domestic violence, but those things are highly, highly linked in how they interact together. And so when I saw a position open at Safe House, it was the entry level position, even though I had done management before, I was like, I want to work there. And it was even in the newspaper. This shows how long ago it was in 2008 that I found it in the Review Journal, Las Vegas Review Journal newspaper.
not on Craigslist or indeed, and applied and that’s how I actually got into working at Safe House. So yeah, was really about learning more and working in violence against women.
Federico Ramallo (17:11) you
Right, right. Wow, that’s amazing. I can understand what you’re talking about not getting involved with the casinos because it’s different when you decide as a person to go and gamble because that’s a personal choice but then when you’re working in an organization that is promoting gambling then that’s you’re affecting other people’s lives, right? Basically.
Beth Flory (17:41) Yeah, there’s in and you know, a of people are very healthy with, you know, how they gamble and stuff. They they come for a good time. They leave and, you know, they go home and they’re they don’t even have casinos in their hometown. So people there are many people that are healthy, but we also see quite a lot of gambling addictions in in the Valley. And and actually, we’ve seen quite a few examples with our victims where we talk about financial abuse. That is one of the areas that it is an addiction.
that their abusive partners often fall into is, you know, they’re charging up all these cards, they’re not paying off debt, you know, the wife thinks that they’re paying the bills when really they’re down at the casino, gaveling away their money. I’ve seen it time and again in this job.
Federico Ramallo (18:25) Right, because the addiction becomes a fuel for the abuse.
Beth Flory (18:30) Yeah, you know financial issues are often linked with more abusive behavior when you’re having financial difficulties and so it’s all just kind of intertwined together and that makes this field especially interesting for me and I think what I’ve stayed in it so long is that we do intertwine with so many other systems or so many other issues so you know naturally our victims intertwine with a mental health because
they’re more likely to have depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, all those mental health concerns. Well, they’re also more likely to have substance use issues because of self-medicating or some victims have been forced to use drugs by their abuser or are tricked into it. So we intertwine with the substance use issues. Gambling is kind of in there with that, with substance use, because it’s another type of addiction. So we’re kind of…
working in that and then many of our clients, their children get taken away and so we’re intermingling with the foster care system. So it’s really interesting when I go to public events with other nonprofits, I usually know like 75 % of the people in the room because we somehow work with that other agency because we intertwine so much. Even earlier you said autism, we’ve had kids in the shelter with their moms who have autism, you know, or other kind of…
Yeah, so we really intertwine with so many different issues. And that was also what drew me to the field too, when I worked with teenagers. lots of them were in domestic households.
Federico Ramallo (19:56) idea.
Oh, really?
Yes, I can see how, what I’ve seen, particularly in the US, and I think this happened as well in Latin America, but different, is that you have this set of rules and systems set up in a way that it’s very cold for people and overwhelming. And you have to go through so much bureaucracy to get things done, right?
And it feels like nobody cares, basically. And it’s heart-breaking. In Latin America, what I’ve seen is more rules are more of a… I explained this with lanes. In the US, a lane is a lane. You follow it. Don’t step on it. Don’t deviate it. And if you’re going to change lanes, you have to use the turning signals.
in Latin America and in Mexico, the lanes are more of a suggestion. Sometimes you’re on the road and you don’t have lanes, so you kind of zigzag around and it’s a dynamic thing, everybody does that. So it took me not a lot of time, but it took me a while to fully understand that concept when I was riding in the US. I mean, you kind of follow the lanes because they’re there, but for me, was easy to just change lanes without using the turn signal.
⁓ But in Mexico, sometimes you’re driving and then there are no lanes and then you have to continue driving, right? And then they come back again or whatever, right? So it’s a different dynamic. And what I’m trying to explain with that, and probably that’s not a good example, but what I’m trying to say with this is that in Latin America, if you ask for help to any bureaucratic agency or any agency, then people are going to try to
Beth Flory (21:18) Mm-hmm.
Federico Ramallo (21:44) bend the rules or break the rules to help you, right? Or they’re going to make exceptions for you, right? Because the people that are there truly care about helping the other people, right? So they’re going to try to find the ways. The issue usually is lack of resources. So it’s like, I would like to help you, but I don’t have an ambulance or I don’t have whatever they need, right? So mostly that’s the issue. So the corruption happens on a higher level where they still sell stuff, right?
Beth Flory (22:01) Mm-hmm.
Federico Ramallo (22:10) or simply there’s not enough money to provide it, right? But the people there are willing to help, right? So they figure it out or they make calls and they, you know, usually you get help or at least you get the experiences. They care about you, but we don’t have enough resources to help you, kind of, right? If that makes sense. I hope that makes sense.
Beth Flory (22:34) Yeah, no, it totally does.
you know, I run into the same issue here. know, our resources are limited, of course. We run on various types of funding. We’re lucky to get some grant funding that, you know, originates from the federal government, as well as, you know, the state. One interesting one is anytime somebody gets married in Nevada.
marriage license fees, there’s actually a $50 of every marriage license goes to domestic violence and sexual assault programs in Nevada. So we love it when people come to Vegas and get married by Elvis, like, please come here and get married here so that we can get your marriage license fees. But you know, that money doesn’t ever add up to what it takes to run an agency like this or what it takes to actually provide the services that we want to provide because we need to, you know, pay our staff.
to provide these services. It takes a person to lead somebody through the legal system. It takes a person to provide counseling. It takes a person to answer that hotline. And we can do that with some volunteers, but we also need paid staff who are trained and have education or somebody like me to run an organization. It’s just like running any other business. So.
You know, there’s that, but then there’s also like we need to find funding to be able to provide client assistance to help people remove barriers. So that’s, you know, paying for daycare so that they can go do a job search, paying for a new driver’s license. Abusive partners love to destroy vital documents because it’s really hard to get a job when you don’t have an ID or you don’t have a birth certificate or Social Security card. So we help people obtain those documents and to pay for
you know, security deposit and first month’s rent, that all takes like solicitation of money to get that, whether that’s going to a foundation who’s willing to maybe help us out. We actually do get help from a variety of foundations in town. But then also it’s that private donations and trying to convince people why it’s important to support a cause like this.
in their community and to help people. And we are very blessed. We get amazing donations from people, but we’re always on the hunt, right? We’re always on the hunt so that when somebody does ask us for that help, that we are able to say yes, because there are a lot of times where we also have to say no. And it’s like, it’s not because we don’t want to and we don’t care. It’s just we literally don’t have it. We don’t have it to give. So it a lot of work.
Federico Ramallo (24:59) Great.
Right, so having 62 bets, you have to find a criteria that
it’s comprehensive enough to make sure that you’re giving the bets to the people that need it the most, right? Or at the high risk.
Beth Flory (25:15) Yeah, yeah, and giving what people need to, right? Like really evaluating consistently through the work, like what services are being utilized, you know, that benefit the clients the most and getting that feedback from clients as well so that we’re putting our money where it’s best used to help individuals as well.
It’s just like running a for-profit business. It’s a really interesting job to be in, for sure.
Federico Ramallo (25:45) Yes, I mean, I’m a software engineer. So for me, when I make a mistake, it’s a zero or a one, right? It’s a data issue or, you but if somebody in your organization make a mistake, people could die, right?
Beth Flory (25:52) you
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
Federico Ramallo (26:00) So
yeah, the stakes are higher.
Beth Flory (26:03) Yeah, and it’s a challenging business too. A lot of times for our staff, we have to make sure that they are taking care of themselves and their own mental health because a lot of times victims, it’s so overwhelming that they’re like, you know what? It’s so overwhelming to me to try to be a single mom in this current climate of the economy that it’s easier for me to go back to my ex. And yes, I might get beaten up.
but at least I know my kids are being fed. And we see clients make those kind of decisions regularly. And it’s really sometimes heartbreaking for staff because they were like, you could do it. Just a few more steps, you could do it. you know, we also, and a lot of our clients come in pretty angry. You know, they have to come live in a shelter while, you know, that joker gets to go stay in their house. And so, you know, we have a lot of clients who are very upset with their life situation and get frustrated.
You know, we have to do a lot of crisis intervention with our clientele. So it’s also important as staff that we keep our mental health, we have our time off, we’re taking care of ourselves, you know, doing all those self-care things is the buzzword. it’s lots of levels to this job, for sure.
Federico Ramallo (27:17) Right, right. Because the wear and tear of every employee that works through the organization, the mental health becomes much more critical, right? Because of all those situations, the people that are working there, I’m sure that they have lot of empathy and that permeates them, right? That affects our souls as well, right?
Beth Flory (27:40) Right. It definitely does. there’s this really great book. It’s called Trauma Stewardship. And in that book, it talks a lot about taking care of yourself when you basically take care of other people. And there’s the scenario she talks about and how it actually fundamentally changes the way you look at the world. And one of the examples she gave, I really identified with because it was almost, I had almost exactly the same experience.
And it was that I had gone on a trip to Ireland and we were at the Cliffs of Moor, which is absolutely gorgeous if you’ve ever been there. It’s beautiful. And my first thought when coming up on that cliff was not, wow, this is the most beautiful environment I’ve ever seen. My first thought was how many people have jumped off this cliff. And…
Federico Ramallo (28:25) Right, right, because you live the tremolo
all day long and yes.
Beth Flory (28:30) Yeah, yeah.
And we are around people where, you know, yes, there’s the safety issue of their abuser might kill them, but there’s also individuals, unfortunately, that, you know, commit suicide over this type of situation. And so it does fundamentally change how you look at the world and you really have to take care of yourself so that you still see the good in the world. So a lot of people, you know, by far the majority of our clients are women and the abusers are men, but not all.
We definitely help all genders and we definitely see abusers in all genders. But the vast majority is women. So it might be easy to get into this frame of mind of like, my gosh, all men are bad, right? All men are terrible people. And that is actually not the truth. Not all men are bad. But that’s, you know, part of how we always have to keep ourselves, you know, grounded and secure in reality so that we don’t start looking at…
at the world in a terrible way because it can get really easy when you see a lot of really horrible
Federico Ramallo (29:29) Right, Funny enough, I was reading about the suicides in Ireland. one of the things they talk about is that a lot of people commit suicide on those cliffs, right? Maybe not that one in particular, I don’t know. But that was the number one cause of suicide in Ireland. So, yeah. But yeah, you also need to focus on seeing the good in life because, you know, otherwise that gives you to a…
you know, a cycle of depression, right? Yeah.
Beth Flory (30:01) Yeah, yeah. Now the beautiful
thing is in this job we also get to see that. We also get to see people who come in at some of their worst points in their life and just blossom. You know, they, it’s like seeing a totally different person on the other side. One of our former clients, we’re talking 20 years ago, she was a client, and she talked about how when she was
in our shelter, receiving our services, she was very angry. She was so angry. She was mean to everybody she was around. She yelled at the staff. She yelled at other clients. She was just such an angry, upset person. But then she received counseling from one of our counselors who taught her to channel that into writing. And she actually figured out she was a poet. And from there, she started doing poetry and actually speaks in public frequently, does her poetry in public.
has made money off this and is an amazing, amazing, amazing poet. And she comes back and if you would meet her now, she is like the calmest, most zen person you would ever meet in your life. Like, just always happy, always cheerful, always zen. And she really attributes that to learning the positive coping skill for her of poetry. And so you also, you never know just how people can change during that process.
another good friend of mine. She also stayed in the shelter with her two young sons. When she came, she was not a citizen of the United States and only spoke Spanish. And she ended up taking English as a second language classes. Eventually, she got a real estate license. Then she got her insurance license. She owns her own insurance branch now, and she’s on our board of directors as the vice president. So, you know, she went
Totally, got her citizenship the whole bit. like, I mean, where she came from, you know, to where she is now, it’s just a beautiful, beautiful thing to witness. And that’s another reason I love to do this job is for all the struggles we see, just the amazing resiliency and hope that people have is an amazing, amazing opportunity to witness and be a
Federico Ramallo (32:12) Wow, that’s amazing. Yes, mean the opportunities for people to blossom, you and your team are providing that opportunity. So that’s amazing. I mean, we talk about saving lives, but I was thinking more on the literal saving life of violence, but also, you know,
Beth Flory (32:20) Yeah.
Federico Ramallo (32:31) saving lives, future lives, right? ⁓ Because you’re also providing the initial steps for people to be able to move forward, right?
Beth Flory (32:33) Mm-hmm.
Right, right, exactly. And it’s pretty cool. A lot of my coworkers are all either survivors of domestic violence or sexual assault, or they have immediate family members that were in situations. I think four of our board members right now are survivors themselves or maybe grew up in a domestic violence household.
and came out on top and are now business owners or high up in their businesses. So it’s really just an amazing opportunity to see people blossom. It’s beautiful.
Federico Ramallo (33:17) Amazing. You also talk about that you started at Safe House as an entry level residential advocate, if I’m correct. How was your journey from the entry level role to becoming CEO now?
Beth Flory (33:24) Yeah.
Yeah, so I came in, as I said earlier, I really wanted to work in this field. And even though I had been in management before at Old Jobs, I was willing to take that entry level position because I had the opportunity to do it. And I really wanted to experience this type of agency in direct services. So really working one on one with clients and working directly with clients so that I could truly understand what
what individuals go through. And so I started working in the shelter, you know, sometimes it was on midnight shifts, sometimes it was in the evening, it is a 24 hour facility. So, you know, doing that as well as answering that crisis hotline, I had answered a suicide hotline before when I was in college, it was actually part of my degree to volunteer for a suicide hotline. So adjusting to the job was easy for me. I was like in there and I was doing it. And
It really gave me that perspective. Like working on a midnight shift, you have people experiencing nightmares from their abuse. They’d get up in the middle of the night. And so I would sit and chat with them at 2 a.m. to help them just cope with waking up and then they’d calm down and go back to bed. And so it gave me a really unique perspective of that close up one-on-one with clients because…
you know, this is their home, this is where they’re staying when they’re in the shelter, like that’s where they live. And so you’re almost like a guest in their house. Now it’s a much more chaotic house because there’s a lot of people in there, you know, giving that experience. so then, you know, because I also had experience working with children, that’s when they, my coworkers were like, you know, you should apply for the children’s advocate position, which was in the shelter working with the kids.
because the person who was in the job wanted to go get her master’s degree in another state. So I ended up working with those kids, I think it was almost about five years, working one-on-one with the children. And I got to do activities with kids and play with kids and then also help the moms. Here you are, a new single parent and abuser sometimes wouldn’t even let the victim.
discipline the kids. So a lot of times the child would come very unruly. So it was also supporting the parent and how to properly discipline their kids and give them new tools and give them support and encouragement and help them through difficulties with school and homework and all that to make that a little bit easier in their lives. So that was a pretty cool experience. But then the…
founder of Safe House and former executive director, Julie Proctor, started to figure out that I had some skills that were not being utilized. This is what happens when you volunteer for things. Because I’m the type of, when I’m in a job, I’m going to volunteer to do stuff. I’m like, yeah, I can help you with that. Well then she’s like, I will quote.
Federico Ramallo (36:12) Hahaha.
Beth Flory (36:23) Beth, I think you have some skills that we are not utilizing. And I was like, you are correct in that assumption. And so, and I had got back and got my master’s in human resources, which is like an MBA basically. And she was like, I would like you to come work at the office. And that was also coupled with me saying, you’ve been doing all these jobs by yourself for too long in this company and you need help. And she was getting near retirement age. It’s like, you need help.
And so she was able at that point to bring me over to help her with all the human resources related stuff, operations related stuff. And of course, as I volunteer to do jobs, I ended up like managing the volunteers, doing all the bookkeeping on top of the human resources related stuff. COVID came and I was the one writing all the protocols for the staff so that we wouldn’t close because our…
our services still need to happen despite a pandemic, people still need a place to go and to live. So, you know, I helped with that. And so that’s where this whole director of operations title came about. And that’s when she was like, I’m nearing retirement and she succession planned me. And so that’s how now I’m in charge. That’s how I’m now the CEO. And I attribute it to volunteering too often for jobs.
Federico Ramallo (37:42) Right, I’m doing the job well, right?
Beth Flory (37:44) And doing the job well. I have a work smarter, not harder kind of attitude. And so I have a tendency to streamline things, which then makes my job easier. And then it’s like, now I have some extra time and then that’s gonna put some other stuff into that hole. so, but I am forever grateful for that experience. If I would tell anybody like in their work, whatever that job might be, you may kick yourself for volunteering to do extra stuff.
Federico Ramallo (37:46) Yeah
Beth Flory (38:10) make you work some overtime hours. Luckily, we’re really good here about that, but that’s how you learn. And so I was so much more well equipped to be able to step into this position because I knew how the finances worked. I knew how the staffing worked. You I knew how the business operations work. But most importantly is I knew about the clients. And that is where I see a difference in many of my colleagues in this type of field who didn’t start that way because
you know, while they may have that business acumen, their understanding of what their clients go through on a day-to-day basis, a lot of people just don’t have by not working in that level. And I feel very blessed and happy and appreciative of the path I took so that I that knowledge because you talk about empathy, you you talk about having that type of feeling like I have that because of my work experience and working in from the bottom up.
Federico Ramallo (39:01) Right, right. Yeah,
I can empathize, but I cannot truly understand, you know, me as Federico, because I haven’t been through that experience, right? And we can logically understand, but on the emotional level, unless you live it, it’s impossible to fully understand, right?
Beth Flory (39:21) Yeah,
yeah, and it is. And I am not a domestic violence victim. I know some people think that. You my story is slightly, I would say parallel, you know, to this type of work. And so I think it got me the closest ability to understand, you know, is walking side by side with somebody. But also I would say the knowledge that, like you just said, that I will never completely understand, right? Like, by being that close to people, I also know that
I’m aware of that. Like I have a limitation there and that’s when I rely on other people who do have that experience. And that’s why I’m so conscientious of hiring survivors into this field and hiring former clients. We’ve had multiple former clients work for us and still do. And so it helps me also be cognitive of the choices I make from a leadership position to make sure that
my clients have the right people helping them, you know, from either being a survivor themselves to even being a diverse staff from many different backgrounds as well, so that our clients really always have somebody they can identify.
Federico Ramallo (40:24) Right. Right. And I was talking with another guest about the emotional detachment on making business decisions, right? Which is as a founder of my own company is hard for me because it’s my company, right? That I founded. you know, it, the emotional attachment is there all the time, right? So I, you know, I feel that, you know, the founder that decided to give you the CEO role, probably
Beth Flory (40:33) Mm-hmm.
Mm-mm.
Federico Ramallo (40:52) went through the same thing and it’s a very hard earned place that you earned for her trusting you to keep running the company. ⁓ Because you can tell it, you can say, I’m going to make an unbiased decision, but it’s hard when it’s your baby. It’s so much harder.
Beth Flory (41:04) Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Federico Ramallo (41:16) giving the metaphorical keys of the kingdom, And trusting that that person is going to continue the mission, right? So yeah, what I’m trying to say that that’s another merit that you should consider on your appointment, yeah.
Beth Flory (41:33) Yeah, and I definitely did not take that lightly. And I felt that’s one of the biggest compliments I could have ever been given in life was for her to hand me that because I knew how much she cared for this organization and still does. she actually, you know, I’m very lucky she was able to stay on part time for probably about six months after she technically retired so that I had that kind of support here, you know, each week until
Federico Ramallo (41:42) Great.
you
Beth Flory (41:58) she could let me more loose. And then she still serves on our board of directors as well. Actually, I have lunch with her scheduled next Friday. So yeah, I still have that mentor support from her, which is amazing because even when you get in that leadership role, like the top, top leadership, in every other role, you have somebody to rely on, right? Like you have somebody you can ask a good question to that’s within the company.
Federico Ramallo (42:07) nice.
Beth Flory (42:24) When you get into that top role, you got to figure it out for yourself. Like, you have to find resources in the community to actually answer these questions. And so it’s such a different position to be in. And you think you know everything and you do not. Like, the first year that I did this job, was, I literally half the time was like, I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t, I have no idea. I’m flying by the seat of my pants.
Federico Ramallo (42:48) Right. Well,
CEO role and the higher you climb, lonelier it gets, right? Because it’s a lonely journey, right? It’s hard to transmit managing a company, the challenges that there are. Yeah, but you’re not alone. mean, you have the board to give you advice and you
Beth Flory (42:58) Mm-hmm.
Federico Ramallo (43:10) There are other people that you can reach out. are also founders or CEOs that can help you ⁓ in the process.
Beth Flory (43:14) Yeah.
Yeah, and that’s,
that is such an important advice that I think I would give anybody that gets into a role like this is to recognize where your support system is and build it. So I’ve leaned on my board on multiple times, especially in the last year or two, just with advice on how to handle different situations, because even though, you know, they’re not in this field per se, you know, they have expertise that’s
that lend well to what I’m dealing with because again, we are a business, right? We operate like a business. So there’s that. And then the other is having a strong network of people who are within your field. So Safe House is a member of the Nevada Coalition to End Domestic and Sexual Violence. The majority of domestic violence and sexual assault agencies in Nevada are members of that coalition.
We meet regularly as program members. We can talk about concerns. And the coalition also supports us with all different kinds of issues that may arise. I mean, just a variety of things, technical assistance, training. They also may help with legislative issues and help guide us on legislation that’s coming up and say, hey, you should probably testify about the.
this legislation. And so there’s that guide there. And then I’m also on like a text thread with a couple of other people in similar positions as me here in Nevada, such as the CEO of Signs of Hope, which is our only standalone rape crisis center in Nevada, as well as Linda who is with the shade tree. She’s the CEO of the shade trees.
And sometimes when we have some struggles or some issues, we’ll text each other and be like, my gosh, what do I do in this situation? And that’s also just a huge benefit. It’s not looking at these individuals as if they’re some kind of competition, but as like another support system. And that’s when I also really learned that I wasn’t the only one who often had these types of feelings. You hear people in these roles who’ll say, I feel like I have imposter syndrome, right? Like,
I don’t belong here. I shouldn’t be here. And then it’s like you realize that we all feel this exact same thing. We all come up, you know, from, you know, a lower level and eventually made it to this point. And we all often feel like we’re flying blind or don’t know how to handle situations. And a lot of times that’s because we’ve never had to face a situation that comes up. So, you know, it’s great to have that support system and realize that those people are there and your employees too.
Like you have your employees that are there to support you and want to do this work. So not to forget that.
Federico Ramallo (45:47) Yeah.
And being able to be a great CEO for your team, for your clients, and for the whole community, right? Because you can also influence other CEOs of safe houses so they can do better as well, right?
Beth Flory (45:58) Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah, and it’s a different type of work being in charge of a place like this too, because as I mentioned, you know, we have a lot of survivors on our staff members. So you also have to, not only are you being trauma-informed with your clients, you have to be trauma-informed with your staff. And so if you want a really good, secure workforce that’s treating your clients right, you have to treat your staff right, and you have to be understanding.
of their needs and their cares in trying to support them. And not that I’m perfect by any means. I definitely have my incidents where it’s like, ooh, maybe I shouldn’t have done that, as anybody does. But it’s having humility and thanking people for what they do and also saying you’re sorry sometimes, right? Like, to be like, yeah, I’m sorry, I miss this. I’m sorry I didn’t get this to you in time.
Federico Ramallo (46:42) you
Beth Flory (46:57) I’m sorry I was short when you talked with me on the phone. I was really frustrated. And even modeling that type of behavior constantly. So maybe I’m having a bad day because of something happening in my personal life. I will walk in this door and tell every single one of staff, hey, I’m not having a great day. I’m going to go in my office and I’m going to shut the door. If you need me, I’m here. I will help you. But it might be a good day to kind of keep away.
Federico Ramallo (47:17) it
Right. Don’t come with
bad news today. Right. Right. Right.
Beth Flory (47:26) Yeah, not today. Wait for tomorrow morning. But that’s also just,
you know, being human and trying to roam out all that behavior. And I’ve been with some bosses that I got yelled at, like, hardcore. One yelled at me in a hallway in front of, like, everyone. And that’s when I was like, I will never be that way. I will never speak to staff that way, ever, right? And, you know, I haven’t. I don’t yell at the employees. I don’t… I’m always…
Federico Ramallo (47:44) Right.
Beth Flory (47:51) kind and try to be understanding and talk things out and again that emotional intelligence of being aware of your own feelings and also articulating that when you’re having a bad day and role modeling that behavior is super important in this type of work.
Federico Ramallo (48:06) Right, right. Plus, you know, getting yelled by you, getting yelled by clients, you know, the staff, you know, need that support system from you. That, you know, peace of mind so they can do the work better. Yeah.
Beth Flory (48:06) Right, right, yeah. you know, give it your all.
Yeah. Yeah.
Federico Ramallo (48:22) So we’re running out of time, but I’ll ask you one last question before we wrap it up. What is one small thing anyone could do to support someone in crisis?
Beth Flory (48:26) Yeah.
goodness, so the one small thing somebody can do is to be there for them when they’re in a crisis. A lot of times people in crisis, they, well one, you’re not thinking straight when you’re in a crisis, right? It’s hard to even think straight. And a lot of times it’s embarrassing to be in crisis and out of control. And so to be a support system and be there for a person, no matter what it is, is super helpful. A lot of times people are worried,
that maybe they won’t say the right thing or they’ll do the wrong thing. But a lot of times just saying, I’m here for you when you need me is the best thing that you could do. Victims of domestic violence in particular, they’re often isolated from family and friends by their abusive partner. friends will get frustrated with them, family will get frustrated with them, and they feel like they have nobody to turn to. So just saying that one phrase, I’m here when you need me. I’m here when you need me.
Can make a huge difference in somebody’s life because at one point they’re gonna need you and it’s gonna click. It might be the one thing in their head in that crisis that clicks but they were like, someone so said they were here for me and they will call you and reach out. yeah. Don’t be afraid to say something. If you see somebody who’s struggling and you see the signs, just say, you don’t have to accuse them of anything. Just say, hey, I just want you to know I’m here when you need me.
Federico Ramallo (49:43) Amazing.
Amazing, Beth. Thank you very much for joining us today. We learned a lot.
Beth Flory (49:57) Thank you. Thank you for having me.
Federico Ramallo (49:59) And we’ll put the links for people to donate at the description of this episode.
Beth Flory (50:09) Awesome, I appreciate that a great deal.
Federico Ramallo (50:11) Awesome. Thank you, Beth.
Beth Flory (50:13) Have fun enjoying it.